Thursday, 11 July 2013

Things That Don't Exist (But Should) - Part I

Here are some simple items that, if someone would only bother to invent them*, would make a cat owner's life a whole lot easier.

*As designer, I take zero responsibility for any act of vengeance your cat may decide to perform after you have used one of these items. Just so we're clear.

(1) A self-adhering towel

Ideal for those pill-giving moments.

As things stand, administering a worming tablet to a cat is a two-person job at a minimum, and at a maximum involves twenty-seven people, two ambulances, a fire engine, haulage equipment and possibly a hearse.

With this simple device (kind of like restraining straps but less scary), your non-compliant feline's limbs can be safely secured in a wriggle-proof sausage while you deal with the business end. It's win-win.

(2) A door-gate that actually has a hope in hell of keeping a cat out of a room

Whoever designs door-gates that are supposedly pet-proof as well as toddler-proof is clearly unfamiliar with the oozing, shape-shifting and generally gravity-defying properties of the average mog. There is nothing on the market that Tail or even Mouth couldn't outfox in two seconds flat.

I guess you might want something a tad more decor-friendly, but you get the idea.

(3) A carrier that you can trick your cat into using

We all know that the main uses of cat carriers are vet trips and house moves, and neither is a particularly persuasive reason for Tiddles to stride cooperatively into the carrier's plasticky depths. Let's face it, no cat is ever going to get in of his own free will.

So we need a way of tricking him.

Maybe it's a carrier that looks nothing like a carrier. (To be truly effective, it would need to change its appearance each time you used it, so some versatility is needed.)

For extra points, make it look as if venturing inside is strictly forbidden.

Or maybe it's cunningly constructed to look like a harmless box. Fluffykins creeps inside, and WHAM! A high-tech lid clamps smoothly over her head at the touch of a remote-control button.

A little extreme, perhaps.

(4) CCTV-operated sofa protection

Covert movement-detecting cameras that guard your sofa's most susceptible parts from errant claws. What's not to love?

(5) A mattress that's the shape you sleep in when you share the bed with a cat

Actually allows two people plus feline enough room to sleep. Brilliant!

Of course, you'd need to introduce a same-sized line in bedding, but I think it would catch on.

Comes with clip-on extensions for those stray arms, legs and tails that still fail to conform.